I was thinking of opposites yesterday. Dark Light! Down Up! In Out! Hard, Soft, most commonly associated, perhaps, with male and female? Heaven Hell. Sad Happy. Now we're moving toward something with true personal resonance.
We can find other opposites that have resonance, but when you're in the middle of grieving someone, there is nothing more devastating than Dead, Alive. Alive, Dead. It doesn't matter which way you turn the words, Dead is the more powerful word when you're grieving someone. You don't even think alive consciously except you think constantly about that someone when they were alive and now they'll never be alive again. No more crazy wonderful conversations over the phone, no more wonderful emails. I went to a psychologist not too long ago to talk about the manner of this person's death because it was truly terrible and I was trying desperately to come to grips with it and I had found I couldn't talk to anyone else about it because of the nature of the death. Yes, it was terrible, and it happened to this someone I loved, and how can I ever come to grips with that? And the guilt! Maybe I could have helped!
This, of course, is about the brother I'm grieving. Perhaps you're grieving for someone too. If so, perhaps we can talk, and we can grieve together.
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Treatment of Ingrown Toenails12 years ago
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About Me
- marsh to the fore
- The Turnabout Shop is located in El Cerrito, California, at 10052 San Pablo Avenue—our telephone number is 510-525-7844. We are open Wednesday through Saturday from noon to four. The shop has a very interesting background and I plan to devote one of my upcoming blogs to that history. I was born in Minnesota in 1933, moved to Wisconsin with my family in my twenties, collected a Bachelor of Science degree in Childhood Education, left for California for a teaching job and met my husband. We have been married for 47 years and have two sons and two grandsons, age six and a half and almost three. I love thrift stores. Where else could you find a grotesque Paper Mache mask with weird decorations? Weird can be wonderful! This one nearly caused a divorce: "Either that goes or you go!" We have a dog—an Akita mix called Plato—named for the philosopher. He is a very bright dog. I still have family in Wisconsin and the memories of a wonderful brother who I'm grieving. Take some time out of your busy day and come visit me.
4 comments:
Marsh - I'm with you in this. Though I wasn't as close to my friend as a brother obviously, the violence and unexpectedness of the deaths are the same.
It's a day by day thing. We may never understand, but we'll get through it. And eventually, there will be more good days than bad. The highs and lows will even out more. We will make it.
Thanks Heidi. I've always thought it strange, and sad, that both of us suffered a loss involving violence. That's a little less than a third of the group. Gives one pause.
Good advice. Yes, one day I'm fine then the next day I cry. But it is getting better. And yes, there are now, I believe, beginning to be more good days than bad.
I think what strikes me the most here is that when you weigh the Dead/Alive opposites while you're grieving, the dead always weighs more. It's so inescapable.
I can only barely imagine your pain. Does it help to see a counselor?
This may sound very odd but I thank you for sharing this. I'm glad you can reach out.
The internet got in the way and the post I put together to send into the ether earlier today evaporated! Like the rain! (See today's post to the site.)
Yes, I'm in pain, but I think I am beginning to heal.
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