SPEAKING OF IRRITATING NOISES

My husband, Jerry, usually joins a group of his friends in France to ski in January at a glorious place called Courchevel. Why January? I haven't the foggiest notion except maybe it's a time parents don't come with their kids. This is a dedicated bunch. They go out in any weather, except for Jerry. Thank God when it's snowing he stays at the hotel and reads while the rest go out and tackle the slopes.

Several years ago Jerry and his roommates were assailed one night by a loud, relentless, whining noise . One of them, our friend Bryan, a big, bear like guy with a temper, was being driven crazy. Everyone warns Bryan about his temper. Bryan's temper has gotten him in trouble--especially with his wife. Nothing much keeps my husband up and our other friend, who everyone calls Jerry T to differentiate him from my Jerry, was already asleep. Jerry T goes at breakneck speed all day until his eyes close at the dinner table and then he's gone.

Bryan is one of the most dedicated skiers. After tearing through his suitcase, everyone else's suitcase and poking in every corner of the room, he picked up the phone and in a nasty voice insisted someone from the hotel come up and investigate.

A man from the front desk came up. "It's the heating system!" roared Bryan. "It has to be!"

The man put his ear to the wall. Nothing. Just a nice, reassuring hum. He shook his head and left.

The noise continued, relentless.

Bryan paced, pulling his hair and bleating like a stuck pig. "How am I going to ski in the morning? This is awful!"

My husband--ever the practical member of the bunch--said, "Bryan, put a pillow over your ears. Maybe it will stop."

Jerry closed his eyes. Bryan tossed and turned. "This is impossible! I'll never sleep!"

Suddenly he put his wrist to his ear. "I can't believe it! It's my fucking watch!" He marched to the door and threw his watch into the snow where it continued the nasty, relentless noise well into the night.

Finally Bryan slept. The next morning broke clear and glorious. Guess who didn't ski? Bryan had to retreive his watch from the snow and take it into town to be fixed. The wages of a bad temper.